Earlier today I got notice that the fabric has all shipped and will be here November 1 and 2. I will start cutting the wraps as soon as the fabric arrives.
I cannot currently email updates as we still have no power and may not for some time. however, no power is needed to cut the fabric as that can be done by the light of the sun. 
(this update brought to you by my android smartphone which oddly never lost reception. I guess cell towers are more durable than utility poles.)
Hi Guys-
We have just bought ourselves a gianormous amount of fabric. Thanks for taking part in this co-op! The co-op is officially closed.
I stayed up until Midnight again getting the stragglers in.
Because of the huge interest we decided to pick up the unmatched pairs (good that we did, as a bunch of stragglers got matched up.
As of right now we have the following unmatched pairs:
7 yard Black (possibly two)
7 yard Dark Ivory (1)
6 yard Fuchsia
6 yard Hunter Green
7 yard Hunter Green
6 yard Lavender
7 yard Lime
6 yard orange
6 yard purple
6 yard red
6 yard royal
7 yard yellow (possibly two)
I went ahead and ordered a few of the “likely to be out of stock” colors that people expressed a strong interest in, which is why you see them on the list above.
We’ll see what comes. I’ll be listing all the extra wraps on Nurshable for people to pick up after I make sure that none of the paid-for orders get dropped by fabric.com (Those who already paid get first dibs on the extras)
Thank you everyone for participating.
It’s been a few late nights in a row now, so I think I’ll go zonk out.
-Sarah
Dear Middle Child,
At two you have many strong furious sad emotions and strong wants, needs, desires. You see clearly what it is that you want to do, your imagination lights up and your boundless energy explodes, and then things don’t go the way you thought and it all falls apart to messy snotty tears and shrieking.
Sometimes you need the space to cry it out. To curl against my chest the way you did when you were an infant, and shriek in my ear until it rings and until my shirt is damp with tears, snot and drool.
You do not need to be made to feel better, you do not need to be distracted, you do not need to be chastised, you do not need to be ignored.
You need us to TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. To step back. To recede quietly and to give you a safe warm comforting space in one of our arms where you can let it all out. All the tears, the sad, the anger, the frustration, the built up stress of all that you want to do but cannot yet do. The excitement over all the things that you have learned and the sadness at the things you cannot yet do.
I do not need to fix this, you are fixing it yourself. You are venting all the pent up things that you cannot deal with, and you are spending out all that energy that you have inside so that your mind can be free and clear of the hurricane that has been building for some time. I need to let you do this, to let you scream it out and cry it out and sob it out, and whimper it out, and sniffle it out, and snuggle it out until we both sit there quietly for a while and you notice that book sitting on the shelf next to us. Until you slip from my lap and bring it back with a tear-stained smile. “Mommy, read dis book!” And we will. We’ll read a book about funny faces while the tears dry from your face.
When it is all past, you scamper off as though nothing has happened. Because nothing has. I have not told you to shove your emotions deep inside. I have not told you that they are too big or too scary for me to deal with. I have not berated you or made you feel small. I have not told you to sit in a corner until you “stop yelling”.
I don’t wish to teach you that your emotions are scary things that we cannot deal with, because I do not want you to fear them. I want you to understand them deeply and to understand that they pass. I do not want you to feel that you have to be guilty for them. I do not want you to think that they somehow “get you things” or change things. They just are. They are feelings. And they run deep.
I’ve given you a tether to hold onto while you let the storm rage. I’ve let you cry it out until the storm was past. And the only thing that remains is a feeling of peace in each of us. (And a couple of shirts that desperately need to be changed.) There are no apologies that need to be said. There are no hurt feelings to be mended.
What there is, is a space in my lap where you can lay your head against my chest and yell into the slow and steady even rise and fall of my breath, and feel my heart beat as it does not quicken. There is a space for you to re-find your calm as I offer you a mirror that tells you that there is no danger, nothing to fear in these strong turbulent feelings of yours. There is no sadness or anger that you need to hold onto.
And so you cry it out, and it passes. Like a thunderstorm in summer that leaves behind a rain-spattered sunshiney day.
Your feelings don’t scare me, child. I recognize them as the things that I carried inside for years. Let them out, let them crash into me. I’m strong enough to take it. They take up space better filled with all the happy things.
And I want you to have all the space you can for all the joys that you deserve.
I understand. We all need the space to cry sometimes. Do not be afraid of it now or ever.
<3 Mama
(This will be illustrated with pictures and mini videos soon, I hope.)
My wraps are 5-6 yards of a thin lightweight “drapey” material. I have both slightly stretchy and non-stretchy wraps. The wrapping process is mostly the same but has some slight differences for stretchy wraps (SW) an non-stretch wraps (NSW). All of my wraps are simple pieces of fabric. I have a lightweight stretch thermal that has a 10% stretch across the grain (one direction). I have some lightweight 100% cotton gauze non-stretch wraps that have about a 3% stretch due to the fabric’s “bubble” tendency. I have a cotton-lycra gauze wrap that has a 10% stretch across the grain, and I have a dance fabric that has more stretch than any of the other wraps. None of my wraps have finished edges and were all purchased from fabric stores.
You can wrap with any fabric that is strong enough to hold baby’s weight. Every fabric will have its pros and cons. I like lightweight drapey fabrics because they are much easier to wrap than heavier weight fabrics. I use soft fabric for comfort. Avoid fabrics that are starchy, rigid, too heavy, or that have too much stretch. Also unless you can sew avoid fabrics that unravel when washing.
This description is for front carries only. I tie my wrap at the beginning of the day and baby goes into it and out of it across the day without my untying it. I wear my babies pretty much until they start to walk this way, and don’t tend to use back carries for a number of reasons. Front carries are comfortable for me up to about 25lbs because of how I wear my babies high, tight, and neat.
The core concepts that help me wrap correctly are this:
Tying a wrap is like tying your shoes. When you tie your shoelaces you focus on the middle of the lace and ignore the ends. The ends are just something to pull through the loops, and they can be pretty long without becoming overwhelming. The same applies to a wrap. You are tying the wrap around your body and you only have to worry about the portions that are right near your body. (applies to SW and NSW)
Track the top rail to wrap neatly. All “how to use your wrap” manuals, instructions and videos talk about keeping your wrap straight. I’m a klutz. Simple is good. To keep my wrap straight I focus on the “top rail”. Hold your fabric out straight in front of you so that it goes from left to right. Let the bottom of the fabric fall down and hold it from the top. That is your “top rail”. When you pull the fabric through, pull from the top rail first and make sure you always know where it is. Once the fabric is through you can adjust the “bottom rail” and middle of the rail as much as you want as long as you are keeping the top rail straight and pulling from the top first.(Applies to SW and NSW)
Do each step neatly. Don’t wrap quickly and in haste. Do each step neatly. Skipping a step or letting things twist on one step makes it easier to go back and start again rather than try to fix the twisting. Straighten things out at each step. (Applies to SW and NSW although NSW will be more uncomfortable if you allow twists. SW’s are more forgiving.)
Know which parts need to be pulled out tight and which parts need to have slack. As you get to know your particular wrap you will get a feeling for how it has to be worn, as each fabric is slightly different. Both stretchy and non-stretchy fabrics need to be spread out and snugged tight across the back, crossing in an “X” high on your back and they should be pulled down snugly over your shoulders. The front piece should be snug but should have enough room to pull up over the baby, and the “x” at the front forms the seat for the baby so it should be formed at the height where you want baby’s butt to be (hold baby with his head comfortably under your chin and note where his butt is. For a NSW make the front cross there. For a SW make it slightly higher. Mobies and other very stretchy fabric need to be crossed a good inch or two higher than where you want the baby’s bum to be. Other wraps vary. The front “x” and the front cross piece are what forms the space for the baby. If this space is too tight the baby will bump into your chin and be uncomfortably squished. If this space is too loose the fabric will not hold the baby securely and your back will hurt and the baby will be unhappy. Stretchy wraps are more forgiving in terms of getting a comfortable supportive wrap for the baby but offer less support for your back.
When one rail is too loose it impacts the whole wrap. When one rail is loose or sloppy it impacts the whole wrap and baby will either be off balance, baby’s legs will be too free, or there will be some other issue. I like to pull my “bottom” rail a bit tighter going over the shoulders because this is what ends up supporting the baby’s bum and pulling her knees higher than her butt. I like the top rail to be a bit more snug going across the front as this is what holds baby closer to my body and baby’s bum and legs generally take up more room (especially with a cloth diaper) in the wrap than their skinny little upper body will.
Use gravity to put baby into the wrap and form a space for baby. Once the wrap is on your body, locate the side of the wrap that crosses closest to your body at the bottom of the front X. This will be the “inside” side for your wrap. Hold the baby on the opposite shoulder and pull the wrap out at the shoulder. Supporting baby, lean forwards and let baby’s weight form a space for the baby inside of the wrap. Once baby is inside of that side of the wrap you want to pull that piece of fabric out to cover the baby’s body. Pull it knee to knee so that baby is fully supported in that one side of the fabric the way he would be in a sling. Then pull baby’s “inside” foot through the other side of the wrap, again leaning forwards to form a space for the baby and spread out the other side knee to knee. The baby’s bum should now be lower than her knees. Pull baby’s arms up so that they are not pinned by his side, The front panel should be squished down at this point. Pull the front panel up over the baby’s feet before you spread it out. Once baby’s feet come through the bottom, spread it out so that the bottom rail is under baby’s bum and the top rail goes across baby’s back/shoulders.
As you get better at wrapping you will be able to tie your wrap as quickly as you tie your shoes and get it just right in under 2 minutes. This takes practice and understanding of how different things influence different comfort factors. When there is something that you don’t like about how your wrap is holding your baby, try to figure out where the problem is based on my descriptions of how the different parts should be looser or tighter.
The fit of the wrap should be similar to a bathing suit over you and the baby. It should not fit like a loose fitting backpack but rather like an item of clothing. It should be snug and straight across your body and the baby’s body.
As a child I was terribly impatient. As a teenager I was just as impatient. As an adult I was impatient as well. I liked the fast pace of New York City and being surrounded by other people who were as impatient as I was.
When my first child was born, he overwhelmed my senses. I couldn’t rush him, I couldn’t push him along, I couldn’t make the milk flow from my breasts faster than he was willing to eat. I couldn’t get ready and leave the house in record breaking time. Life slowed down to a different pace. An unfamiliar pace.
I still consider myself impatient. Deeply terribly impatient. Even as I slow down and spend time examining an acorn with my oldest child and wondering at how the acorn must open up to let the little tree out. Even as I examine a spider with my middle child. Even as I snuggle up to my curly-haired sleepless daughter who wants to play at three AM.
I spent a lifetime being impatient, wanting to take the shortcuts, wanting to be faster. I spent a decade walking like a New Yorker, weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic and bemoaning the ridiculously slow pace of the tourists.
Somehow I’ve become the person who has empathy for those terrible drivers who incite road rage in others. Somehow I’ve become the person who smiles at the baby no matter how many times she’s woken me up. Somehow I’ve become okay with being interrupted no fewer than fifty times when I try to speak a single sentence. Somehow I’ve become okay with it taking 20 minutes to move the laundry from the washer to the drier because the two year old wants to carry it over piece by piece as I imitate a sports announcer-type-person in various cartoony voices.
Somehow I’ve become patient.
All because of a choice I started making five and a half years ago. A choice I had to make hundreds of times each day at first. A choice I used to have to breathe through and stubborn myself through because I was the only one that was going to be patient with the child in front of me.
It is rapidly becoming my nature.
Impatience has a sort of bitter gritty satisfaction like the tension of caffeine. Patience is an entirely different feeling. It is subtle and mild and a comfort rather than a thrill.
I like it. It serves me well. It stretches time out even as age compresses time to the point where days fly by. It gives me space to react to things and experience things fully and build memories that will stick around for the rest of my life, whereas the years spent impatiently are fast to fade from my mind.
It creates in me the ability to sit by the bedside of my dying grandmother the day before she passed, and simply spend time with no expectations and no rush. To stroke her forehead and tell her that I love her. To not need her to be who she was all my life, but to be for her who she needed me to be in the moment. It creates in me the ability to understand the facial expressions of thirst, of hunger, of fear and of love, and it allowed me to speak to her of the things that she needed to hear spoken before she passed. It allowed me to sit by her bedside for an amount of time I would once have rushed. It allowed me to share space with her and offer her love without needing to take anything in return as her half of a conversation. It allows me to have peace in the passing of a woman that I loved deeply for just less than thirty two years of my life. My daughter carries her middle name “Marie” for many reasons.
It creates in me the ability to forgive what might have once been unforgivable.
It creates in me the ability to apologize for the little things that I did not mean to do, but that were done. “I’m sorry that I accidentally pinched you with the zipper. I didn’t mean to, but that doesn’t change that I did, and I’m so very sorry.” It extends this ability to other adults in my life. I can apologize freely to my partner, to my parents, to friends whereas before I struggled with this even though I would say the words I’d try to protect myself from their meaning.
Being patient with my children has taught me to be patient with myself as I try new things and fail to meet the expectations that I have for myself. It has taught me to be patient with myself when I am anxious, when I am sad, when I have a hard time focusing. I can tell myself “It’s okay”, and I can get it done. I can re-frame goals and meet them instead of stubbornly sticking to them on an impossible timeline or wanting to give them up.
This was never my “nature”. This started off as a choice I forced upon myself. A “fake it til I make it” thing that I never truly believed would become a part of me, and that I thought I’d simply maintain until my kids were grown, and I could “be myself” again.
No.. I’m not letting this go. This is where peace and happiness are to be found. In the slowing down of a rushed world. In patience found with others even as I wish I could move faster.
It lets me breathe. Love. Feel. Enjoy.
I like this patience that is rapidly flooding the core of my being. I like that it grows with each day in an impossible way that makes me understand exactly how empty my lack of patience left me all those years.
What started out as a gift I wanted to give my oldest son.. Has turned out to be the greatest gift I could have ever given myself.
Kids have a way of turning things around on you like that. <3
Dear Kids,
I hear a lot about the “monster” created by co-sleeping, which we have done with each of you.
The thing about monsters is that they are imaginary. And if you can imagine yourself a monster you can imagine a sword that slays that monster. The same thing applies to the “monsters” that we have created in each of you. Well. Not so much with the sword, but the general idea that there are solutions.
Statements about monsters come from people with a different toolset and different expectations about how things should be done. A one year old that still expects to co-sleep is a “monster” to them because a one year old can stand up in the crib and use words to explain “sad!” “scared!’ “mommy hold me please?” They can tell us all the sad things that a younger baby can’t yet vocalize. And when a baby cannot vocalize we can dismiss the cries more easily. People that sleep train to “avoid monsters” likely lack a toolset that would allow them to gently and patiently deal with transitioning a child to their own bed at two, or three, or five or whenever they choose. I choose to transition each of you when it can be done with gentleness and with words instead of screams or forceful repetition.
Isaac moved to his own bed at two and a half. He learned to fall asleep without us in the room at three and a half. Alexander moved into the lower bunk in “the boys room” at around 26 months and made the decision to fall asleep in the lower bunk without us holding him all on his own before we were going to start suggesting it. We still sit in their room until he has fallen asleep, simply because we believe in giving him time at each step along the way. That’s where security and trust come from. Not pushing a child who is choosing his own pace for independence ahead of your expectations.
There are ways to create clingy needy children, if that’s what everyone means by “monsters”. But being a consistent loving parent who is there to parent each of you as you need it.. Is not that way. Pushing you away when you temporarily regress.. Pushing you away when you still have need.. Pushing you ahead of your comfort zone rather than gently leading you.. Those are the ways to turn you into a clingy erratic emotionally unstable “monster”.
With each of you we have set up a bed for you to take naps in during the day sometime after a year. With each of you we have snuggled up with you in your new bed while you have fallen asleep. With each of you we have stayed for you for as long as you have needed. With Isaac who had a hard time falling asleep with us in the room but who wanted us there anyway we patience stretched and taught relaxation techniques. We’d talk about “And you melt into your bed as your feet get relaxed and sleeeepy.” and we’d work our way up to his knees and his belly and his shoulders and his head and his neck and his eyes as we’d talk about how he would melt into his mattress and his pillow and his breathing would become deep and slow because he was sleeeepy and he was in the safest warmest place in the whole wide world- a snuggly bed at night. We’d go to walk the dog and if he stayed in bed while we walked the dog we’d snuggle for 10 minutes before the next chore. The chores grew a bit longer and eventually when Isaac was ready we’d just check in to tuck him in one last time before we went to sleep ourselves.
Not keeping promises creates monsters. Not being there creates monsters. Dismissing fears creates monsters. Not being there when a child has a nightmare or needs a drink of water or wants to be tucked back in after they’ve gotten up to use the bathroom.. Creates monsters.
As we’ve told you time and time again: There are no monsters in this house. Monsters are pretend. If you can pretend a monster you can pretend the thing that can get rid of the monster. It all comes from the same place.
So. One day you may be told that you are “creating a monster” in your child. You’re not. You’re taking it slow and easy out of love. Do not heed calls to be less patient than you wish to be. That is where the monsters live, deeply rooted in false fears that cause us to ignore those who we love.
Don’t create monsters when you could be loving your children instead.
<3 Mama
There is a wide range of behavior dubbed “age appropriate” that includes both positive and negative behaviors that kids exhibit at different stages of development as they grow, as they learn, as they tumble through emotional tumult.
We can see our children’s bodies grow and change as they pass from floppy newborn to toppling sitter, to crawling infant, to unsteady toddler, to that bittersweet stage where the baby fat melts away leaving a short opinionated human being that seems impossibly close to your own size.
We can see our children’s brains grow, too. But too often we battle age appropriate behaviors rather than understanding them as a stage of growth that is no more under the child’s control than their floppy newborn heads or the age at which they start to crawl.
Some “age appropriate” behaviors can be worked through more quickly, just as we can encourage certain physical developments such as crawling. Others are like teething and no matter what we do there is no healthy way to get those teeth to come out faster.
A big part of my “gentle parenting toolkit” is trying to recognize age appropriate behaviors or when a behavior is something that my child simply needs to pass through as their brain explosively develops and as they learn to apply logic and emotions to different situations.
When a behavior is age appropriate, it is deeply rooted in the child’s emotional needs. Think about how children react differently to food and other items as they get older. A six month old baby wants to put EVERYTHING in their mouth, and a five year old child may want to eat only certain things.
With a six month old the solution is to baby-proof. It is widely accepted that this is a standard behavior that you really can’t do much to teach around.
With a five year old the solutions that I see suggested run the gamut: Make them eat it by offering them the same food at every single meal/snack even if it’s cold. Stop only when the food is eaten or has grown mold. Punish them unless they eat it. Force feed it to them. Let them eat whatever it is they want even if it’s chicken nuggets and Laffy Taffy. Don’t let them manipulate you into cooking something else for them. Don’t starve them, feed them whatever they want.
My approach is to look at it as something developmentally appropriate.
I also try to think of how picky eating might be deeply rooted in children. How does a child go from “put everything in their mouth” to “try a lot of different foods” to “only try foods that I already know I like”?
My purely invented guess is that at a certain point when children need to eat more food, they become picky eaters. A child eating less food can survive accidentally nibbling on a mildly toxic item. A child that is eating more food would likely eat enough to kill themselves and remove themselves from the genetic pool. Unfamiliar tastes, an unfamiliar look, etc. encourages the child to not eat whatever it is on their plate.
While my guess is somewhat random and most likely lacking sound scientific merit, it allows me to do several things: 1- It adjusts my expectations to an age appropriate level. 2- It makes it so that rather than being frustrated by my child’s refusal to try new things I understand that they will try/spit out several times before they decide if they actually like it or not. This includes pancakes slathered in chocolate sauce with ice cream. 3- It helps me avoid labeling my child as a permanent picky eater, and allows me to continue offering new foods. 4- It allows me to come up with a different approach of helping set the child’s expectations before they try the new food. “This is barley it’s a little bit like rice but it has a pop to it like corn”. Or I’ll give them a plate full of familiar items with some unfamiliar items mixed in. I allow them to freely try new things and spit them out into a napkin if they don’t like them.
When we see age appropriate behaviors as negative character traits that need to be “broken” we run the risk of building a shaky foundation for our children. Most of the picky eaters that I know are picky as adults due to being forced to try foods or eat foods they simply hated as children. When we instead choose to view behaviors as age appropriate and work through them, it becomes a lot easier to help out kids build strong foundations and flexibility as they move through age appropriate behavior patterns and develop the understanding and skills that come with each stage of development.
With new “negative” behaviors I try to approach the problem as though it is age appropriate, biologically appropriate, and something that has to be worked through gradually rather than resolved with a quick fix. Taking this approach reduces my frustration and allows me to step back and contain/redirect undesirable behavior when it becomes apparent that I haven’t yet found a positive way to approach actual change or learning.
Stepping back gives me the space I need to think of new approaches and it gives my children the chance to work their way out of the developmental stage as well as let go of pent up resistance and frustration rather than locking down in stubbornness at being forced to do something that they are simply not yet ready to do.
I cannot teach in anger or frustration. So finding a way to let go of those feelings allows me to be a more effective teacher.
Between my eldest getting home from school and dinner time we spent an hour outside playing in a gigantic pile of dirt that is in the process of being moved to my raised-bed gardens.
I forgot how much fun kids can have with a huge pile of dirt, followed by a crazy naked race upstairs for a bubble bath. (dirty clothes got taken off in the laundry room downstairs to keep the floors from experiencing the joy of the dirt.)
Babygirl was napping for most of it but at some point she quietly woke up and started taking it all in while nomming the side of her wrap. I love peaceful slow outdoor time, even if the two year old is still learning not to throw dirt.
Dear Daughter,
You turned six months old four days ago. I’ve started to hear that I should sleep train you “for the sake of my sanity”. Not from anyone close to us, but from those who made their own choices with their own children and who feel that their choices are the only way to stay sane as the parent of a infant who does not yet sleep.
Last night your daddy and I curled up in our bed as you nursed and kicked your feet against my legs. “It’s not fair.” he told me. You see, comforting you is squarely on me. You are a mellow child who will spend time with anyone, and who makes friends with strangers across the grocery store by flashing them a gummy squinty-eyed grin. You will sit and play with your toys on the floor for an hour while your oldest brother does his homework and your other brother talks to the hermit crabs about ghosts and zombies and other things that have captured his two year old imagination so close to Halloween. But when you start to rub your eyes and bob your head it is the beginning of the chain of events that rapidly leads to you screaming your head off inconsolable unless you are in my arms. “It’s not fair that you are the only one that can get her to sleep. It’s not fair to you.”
It’s not. It’s not fair. Alexander would rock to sleep with others, even as he resisted. Isaac could be put to sleep by the nanny that we had at the time, even though night duty was solely on me due to the circumstances and your daddy not being allowed in our life at that point in time. You, though, for some reason.. You need my arms. And “fair” has to take into consideration your needs as well as mine.
I do not become frantic when my need for some space for myself is not met. I do not cry and scream and turn purple in the face if I do not get a night of sleep alone in my bed. I can talk about the things that I miss, and I understand the passage of time. I am given time to sleep in on the weekends between when you wake up and when you need to sleep again. I am given time to shower while you play with your grandparents and your brother.
For the sake of my sanity…
For the sake of my sanity I do not “let you cry” uncomforted.
For the sake of my sanity I understand that sleeplessness passes.
For the sake of my sanity I kiss you when you wake me up, and I sniff your head, and I speak gently to you.
For the sake of my sanity I welcome you into bed with me as you snuggle to my side and melt into the shape of me in the dark.
Sanity comes from understanding. It comes from knowing that sleeplessness does not need to be angry or short-tempered. It can be slow and snuggly. Sleeplessness does not need to be frustrating. It can be warm and fuzzy and naps can be found while your brothers play in their gated-off room while I snooze with you in the afternoon sunshine. Sanity comes from letting go of unrealistic expectations and finding joy wherever it can be found.
I do not feel that it is sane to allow you to cry alone. I do not feel that it is sane to ignore the only language that you have for expressing your needs. I do not feel that it is sane to expect you to soothe yourself now or at any point in your early childhood. I do not feel that it is sane to expect you to learn positive things in a vacuum while you are upset and frantic.
Right now you need me for reasons you are not able to explain. I do not feel that it would be sane for me, as a mother, to ignore the needs of my child when I have the ability to meet them.
For me, sanity comes from knowing that all of my children are content, cared for, and knowing that they understand that they are safe and loved. Sleep is lovely, of course. But I won’t take sleep in trade for sanity.
For the sake of their sanity, some will choose to have their babies cry it out. For the sake of MY sanity, I will wait it out. From now through the end of your need.
<3 Mama
On request I have created a printable version of the “Pre-discipline checklist” here: http://nurshable.com/images-with-words/pre-discipline-checklist/
Feel free to distribute it freely as long as you link back to Nurshable.com as I will be updating it.
It roughly reflects the mental process that I go through before I discipline my children. It helps me stop, calm down, identify the behavior/cause of the behavior, and come up with a plan for how to deal with the behavior rather than simply reacting.
Feedback is welcome.