These are the questions/things I’m trying to remember every time one of my kids is pushing my buttons:
1- Is the child overtired, hungry, overstimulated, bursting with energy, bored?
2- Am I changing directions too quickly? (Has a previously acceptable behavior reached my tipping point of annoying?)
3- Who has the child spent the day with?
4- Have I given the child something more acceptable to do/say?
5- Is the child copying behavior? (mine/dad’s/gramma’s/grampa’s/brother’s/TV’s?
6- Has the child heard what I said or is he distracted/not clear that I’m talking to him/zoned out because of too many words or me speaking too fast?
7- Have I tried to get eye contact and get down to his level?
8- Have I tried engaging him in the conversation or am I talking at him?
What’s on your checklist? I’m sure I’m forgetting some things but wanted to jot these down before I forgot. 
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14 Responses to Discipline Checklist (For My Own Reference)
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Thanks for this! I’m still in the infant stage with my first but starting to think about how I will deal with discipline issues as he gets older. I think some adaptation of this is a great mental checklist to scan.
Have I spent enough time with her lately? Is this just a ploy to get my attention? (We have a new baby in the house)
Yes! “Is she trying to get some one on one attention? Is he jealous?” needs to go on mine.
Have to add: “How am *I* feeling right now? Tired/stressed/irritated/anxious?” “What behavior do I want to teach right now?” “Am I trying to teach a new behavior, reinforce an emerging skill/behavior or bring back a previously established behavior?” “Has today been over or under structured?”
Also: “Am I about to ask my child to change age appropriate behavior?” “Is it time to redirect, distract, interrupt, explain, or stop?” “Do I have a plan for how I am about to handle this or do I need to create some space for myself before I handle it?”
“When was the last time that I offered praise, positive attention or physical affection such as a hug or kiss?”
“Is there any possibility that another adult or child upset my child today?”
“Is there anything that *I* need to apologize for right now?”
I’d love an updated list when you have one you are happy with. My frig is screaming to have this posted on it for the next couple of weeks. Your last picture with the caption “there was a girl with a curl…” really changed my outlook. This would help too!
I’ve made a printable here: http://nurshable.com/2012/10/16/pre-discipline-checklist-printable/
I’ll be making it into a higher resolution PDF for printing eventually.
Yes we need this right now, sons 1 and 2 (ages nearly 6 and 7) are really struggling with each other… so much squabbling, tale telling, and WHINING!! I think you’ve covered my check list already and some! I mostly ask myself – have they invented a mummy cloning machine yet, I need 3 of me right now!
Mostly I’m trying to actively listen, ‘what is he really trying to tell me with this babyish whining noise’. Last night i finally got out of my 7 year old ‘It’s tough being the eldest, Sid always gets more treats/invites to parties than I do’ and ‘he always wants me to help him do his things like lego and drawing – and I never get time to do my own’. It was a really useful excercise for me to actually get him talking.
When our daughter was an infant, I caught myself saying “No, don’t do that.” too often to our son (3 years old). # 4 above reminds me that I changed my message to, “Be gentle.” and then had to help him form an appropriate understanding of that positive word. They are 24 and 27 and get along fairly well, so maybe it helped.
What is the volume of my voice?
Yes! This is a big one for me. I’m deaf and so I have to watch the volume of my voice more carefully. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m talking too quietly or if I’ve over-compensated into yelling.