I Never Dreamed That I Was Not Alone

When my third child was three months old I wrote “The Wait it Out Method of Sleep Training“, a letter to reassure my daughter that in the future if she chooses to not use “Cry it Out”, she’s not alone and that it’s okay to wait it out, and that I waited it out with her when she was small.

In truth this letter came from the lonely place that hovers between methods. There has always been this unspoken half-realized hazy idea in my head that everyone’s babies do sleep eventually. The co-sleeping communities swore up and down their babies slept. The Cry-It-Outers talked about the occasional difficult night where they had to re-train. But in every method there was sleep, and those who were not getting sleep were somehow failing at their methods.

In my heart I rejected that idea, but still felt so lonely. My goal in writing the “Wait it Out Method” was simply to reassure my child that she was not alone.

Ironically, even in my haste to reassure my daughter in the distant future, I never dreamed that I was not alone. 

Over 100,000 people have read the Wait It Out Method and many people have written to me to tell me that is the method they use as well.. And that they just never had a name for it. Like me, they never dreamed that they were not alone.

The thing about parenthood is that it’s all about finding your tribe and understanding that what you are doing has form and purpose. From this place comes confidence and peace. From a confident peaceful parent comes confident peaceful children.

Some parents have magicsleepingbabies. Some parents find the perfect sleeping solution in co-sleeping. Some parents find their solutions in sleep training methods. And some parents are like me and those who are reading this right now thinking “I NEVER DREAMED I WAS NOT ALONE”. Some of us are still waiting. Some of us are still rocking. Some of us are still night nursing. Some of us are still working on sleep with our children.

And we are not alone.

Today, after a reader of Nurshable reached out to me for virtual hugs and reassurance, I started the “Wait It Out” support group on facebook. Feel free to join us there. http://www.facebook.com/groups/waititoutmethod/

I’m not alone. And neither are you.

5 thoughts on “I Never Dreamed That I Was Not Alone

  1. Thank you. It is a bit overwhelming sometimes, especially when you don’t have any friends and family to help you out in any way.

  2. I think all schools of parenting involve “doing” something. Co-sleeping, training, watching the clock as baby cries so you can pick him up at the right moment, setting routines, something. Only the WIO method involves just, well, waiting. To an observer it appears we do “nothing”.

    The truth is, I do everything but let him cry. There’s some co-sleeping. There’s some singing and walking. When I lay him down when he’s almost asleep, it’s training. When I change him into his sleep-suit and keep the lights dim after 7pm even if he plays, it’s routine-setting. When I let him fall asleep sucking his thumb after his 3am nursing it’s self-soothing.

    But mostly, what I do is just observing. And in that, I’m sure I’m not alone.

  3. Sarah,

    I wanted to write and tell you and every other mother who follows this WIO method that I had believed that it would work eventually and it has!… when my DH was very concerned about my back because I wouldn’t let him sleep any where else but in my arms I told him that I am sure he will let me put him to sleep in an easier way for me and I asked him to trust me, I told him that I asked my LO from time to time to please help me more so that I could rest at times and he always helped me rest when I thought I just couldn’t carry him any more or sit in a certain position.. I also had to answer friends and family and try to be gentle with them as they voiced their concerns over this as well as their general concerns over how I would end up spoiling him :-)
    These days things have gotten so much easier than before as he mostly wants to lay next to me and nurse a little and talk to himself and then fall asleep peacefully. This is something I dreamed of and I am so happy that I waited for him to find his own way at his own time. For some who don’t believe in WIO this would not be enough as I still nurse him to sleep and also nurse thru the night a few times but it means the world to me and I know all of you here would understand. And I wanted to share this big change in our lives so that you all feel supported as you should be since you are such wonderful mothers who love their babies beautifully.

  4. I am so glad I am not alone in my approach. My son let me know when he didn’t need a dummy/pacifier and no longer needed swaddling. And, I am sure he will let me know when he is ready to drift off to sleep without my help.

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