The Most Important Person in the Room (To the dad whose baby won’t let him help)

Dear Dad Whose Baby Won’t Let Him Help Out,

Yes. I understand that the baby doesn’t accept you for comfort at night. Yes. I understand that when you can’t do the things that mom is doing, it feels like you might as well go and do something else.

Technically you couldn’t ‘do anything’ when the baby was being born either. You couldn’t labor for her. You couldn’t push the baby out. You were a provider of moral support.

When you can’t help with the baby it often means that mom is under more stress than she would be otherwise, because if you could help that would take some of the stress off her shoulders.

When you decide to go watch football or play a video game..
When you decide to go out with friends..
When you just give up and go do your own thing..

You’re underestimating your importance. You’re underestimating exactly how much you are needed. Underestimating your value. Underestimating how much your strength is needed.

Maybe you can’t give mom a break by rocking the baby to sleep the way you’d like to. Maybe you feel like there’s nothing that you can do.

Remember when she was in labor and you were there for her. Remember when she had a c-section and you were there for her. You were the most important person in the room.

You still are.

In the lonely dark hours of the night, when she doubts herself.
When the baby is crying and colicky and only quiets in her arms and she’s on the fourth hour of dancing.
When the baby is going through a growth spurt and is sucking the life out of her..

Little words from you remind her that she has value and meaning.
Sitting by her side sustains her.
A gentle touch helps her relax and replenishes spent reserves.
Keeping her company shows her that you care, and makes it easier for her to ask for all those little things that she may not be able to do for herself.

The strength that we need from you is not always the strength to make things happen. Sometimes it’s the strength to share those lonely difficult times simply by being there when there’s nothing else that you can do.

Chances are pretty good that it’s the times that you feel that you can’t do anything to help .. That you’re really helping the most.

You are what keeps us afloat.

You are what keeps us anchored.

There’s no way that we could do this without you.

11 thoughts on “The Most Important Person in the Room (To the dad whose baby won’t let him help)

  1. I love this post! My husband has been such a huge help to me since my 3mo was born. When he comes home from work he always asks whats on my list for him to do–he does whatever I need him to do. While I’m nursing he gets me water, snacks, blankets, or whatever else I need. If she wakes up more than once a night, he usually offers to change a diaper or ask if I need anything. Or he just tells me he loves us. He’s such a huge help. I make sure to thank him frequently for being so awesome. I have an easy time because he’s such a huge help.

  2. I can’t believe I found this EXACT post when I came to check out your blog. It’s like you wrote it for me. And my husband. Thank you. :)

  3. I used to wake my husband up to go make sure that baby was breathing. I didn’t want to go because baby would smell me ( even the one who couldn’t nurse KNEW if I was in there!!). While my husband never wore our babies, he did provide company and someone for baby to to gaze at while he worked at home as well as his work as a baby bouncer-kept baby in home office between naps/feedings from older sibling toddler hands!

  4. This made me cry! It is so true. I am going to send it to my husband. You have a beautiful way with words <3

    1. Thank you for your comment Bob. Tho I’m not sure you were writing to be kind or lend support, if it weren’t for you making an effort to write something, I may have missed this post today. Instead, the very fact that you commented made this post land as the top post in the recently commented on section and so, I saw it.

      Now, I can share it with my husband to express how important he is to me and to our children. Children who are so lucky to have a father like him, who works BOTH in and out of the home.

    2. Different families have different views. i’m glad my partner does not feel that way. he has an excellent and involved relationship with his children.

  5. This is a great post!! If only all husbands can understand how important their help is around the house and kids- “us wife’s” will be stressed free not only when they come home from work but at all times.

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