She needs me to hold her today because she didn’t need me to hold her yesterday and now she wants closeness to make up for the closeness she didn’t need yesterday because the day before yesterday I held her and snuggled her and told her I loved her SO much that she felt SO secure that she spent the day exploring. And now I need to fill her up again.
She’s an emotional instinctive little creature, not someone speeding headlong along a linear path to complete emotional independence. I’m a home base that she ventures out from as she explores her limits. And then when she looks back and sees me so far away she rushes in close and needs me to hold her again until her curiosity and our closeness reassure her and drive her to explore again.
Just like some days I need my partner to pull me close and tell me that he loves me and reassure me of our closeness.
How big the world must seem to this tiny twenty pound creature. And how far away it must seem to her when she crawls away and turns the corner and I’m gone from sight.
Of COURSE she needs to sleep on my chest today. Of COURSE she goes back and forth between need and independence. Of COURSE she wants me to pull her close and hear the truth in the whispers of “I’m here, little girl. I’m right here with you, and will hold you close for as long as you need me to.”
The laundry can wait until tomorrow when she’s ready to explore again.
The dishwasher can be emptied while she rides close and snug in the wrap on my chest.
And we can snuggle down and cuddle close.
And I can pull her near for kisses…
At least until her little arm pushes away again, and she rocks up onto her hands and knees and crawls away on her merciless journey towards independence.
Today I’ll wait this out so that tomorrow she will be happy to explore content in the knowledge that I am here as her home base whenever she needs me.