In the Real World I’ll Want You to Know I’m Here For You

Dear Kids,

Eventually you’ll be going out in the real world more and more. And you’ll discover that sometimes people are really mean. In theory I should teach you to deal with this now by being really mean to you. In reality I’m not going to. Because when you’re out in the real world I’ll want you to know that I’m here for you.

I also want you to know that there are certain basic ways that people treat each other, and that even if you’re out in that real world of ours and people are not being nice or fair or even half-way decent, I want you to know that they’re being WRONG and UNFAIR and that yes.. Sometimes we have to deal with wrong and unfair people. But that we are accountable for our own behavior and that we are big enough to deal with all that wrong unfair stuff while staying internally consistent.

It’s called behaving well.

I could teach you that you’re all on your own and no one gives a damn if you shed a tear. That’s not the lesson I want you to learn. I want you to learn that tears don’t change things, calmly explaining yourself sometimes does. Anger doesn’t change things. Road range doesn’t change things. Fights don’t change things. Listening, understanding and discussing things calmly changes things. And sometimes you’re really gonna be upset and you’re going to cry. Not because you’re trying to change things, but because you’re UPSET. And that’s fine. When you’re upset you find a safe person that loves you and you bawl in their arms.

I’m not going to teach you that “life is unfair” by being unfair to you, because then you just learn all those things that make other people be unfair to each other. You learn that just because you’re bigger you can be a jerk. You learn that it’s okay to “teach your little brother how it feels” by kicking him as hard as you can just like he kicked you. You learn that it’s okay to lie, to steal, to cheat. Because you’re going out into a big crappy world full of jerks that lack a moral compass so you might as well be the grabber and the taker and the bigger and faster one.

I’m not going to be a bully because I don’t want you to be a bully.

Yes, the world out there isn’t very nice. People don’t like to listen. Often people don’t really care.

That’s why you have a family to come home to. A safe place to seek refuge. A person to listen and to try and help you find your way calmly.

I can teach you about the sad and unhappy without roughing you up and making you sad and unhappy.

I can tell you all about the real world. And I can show you how I expect you to behave when you go out into that real world. I can tell you that I expect you not to absorb the bad behavior of others, because then you’re a part of the problem not a part of the solution. I can tell you about all the angry sad people who don’t understand how to be nice because no one ever taught them. But I don’t have to teach you to not be nice when I have the choice to teach you to be better things.

When you’re out in that real world I want you to know the difference between the people that you can trust and those that you cannot. How can I teach you this if I teach you to just never trust at all? If you don’t know what trust feels like? If I try to toughen you up from birth rather than allow you to grow an understanding of how people should be treating you? How can you learn what to look for in friends, in a mate, and in yourself?

I’m not “making you soft”, I’m giving you the chance to learn about trust in a positive way before you have to deal with all the negative.

<3 Mama

5 thoughts on “In the Real World I’ll Want You to Know I’m Here For You

  1. Jip totally agree needs to printed in mass production and handed out to many people. The other day my boy didn’t want to eat (just before the whole vomiting episode) and I was told to force him as I am his mother. really? Is THAT what the world thinks a mother is? Someone who force and smach and hit and scream. No think you, so be it if they think we are softening them up. Also would love my son to always trust me and confide in me. Thanks for creating a new “normal”!!!

Leave a Reply to sarah Cancel reply