All I want for Christmas is a self cleaning house. You know. A house that has an auto-clean cycle the way an oven auto-cleans (although possibly without the 900 degree temperatures and the need to vacuum out ashes at the end of the cleaning cycle. Because anything involving a vacuum is not self cleaning). Or like the freezer that has auto-defrost. (Although possibly without reducing the house to arctic temperatures..)
In lieu of that, there are some other things that would be helpful.
* Disposable plates that also clean the floor. Sort of like a mop version of the Roomba. Kids finish eating. You put it on the floor and press a button and it sprouts a sponge and zips around to clean up splattered milk that your Very Careful Toddler managed to drip on the floor when she decided to feed her cereal to the dog. With the spoon. Using the airplane method.
* Toys with Shelf Homing Devices. Each toy would come with a docking pad. Upon being abandoned on the floor the toy would come to life and locate its docking station on the shelf. These would not be battery operated toys. They would be wood toys that have magical teleportation-to-shelf abilities. Because electronic battery operated toys talk. And lack mute buttons. And drive me crazy.
* Solar Powered Self Cleaning Clothes. These clothes would self-clean automatically upon exposure to sunlight, thereby absorbing the yogurt, spaghetti sauce and avocado from my clothes and converting them to clean. Particularly important feature for yoga pants and jeans.
* A shower that babysits children while I wash yogurt, spaghetti sauce and avocado out of my hair. Bananas too. How did I forget bananas? This Babysitting Shower would somehow mystically enthrall children in a wholesome non-digital activity like reading board books or stacking blocks. Waterproof ones.
And in lieu of any of these things I will take what is. The gift that comes with the endless messy days. The littleness of each of you while you are still small. The truth is.. Even though I’m sometimes tired… As long as I have the three of you I have it all and these messes are a tiny price to pay.
(P.S. Someone does need to invent a self cleaning house, though. For real.)