1. Never be more angry than your friend is. In fact, don’t be angry at all. Anger increases anger. Your friend needs things that decrease anger, not things that increase anger. Divorce is emotional enough as it is. Saying “That is SO unfair! I hope he gets run over by a bus!” really doesn’t help. A better thing to say is “That sounds like it’s really upsetting. People get very angry during a divorce and sometimes they throw tantrums. It gets better as long as you don’t throw tantrums of your own.” is much more helpful. Anger never helps a divorce go more smoothly. It increases fighting. The less angry your friend can be the more smoothly things will go. He is not an asshole. She is not a bitch. They do NOT need to hear bad things about their ex partner. They probably have enough of those thoughts all on their own and they need to put them to rest.

2. Help your friend find tension reducers in their life. Crying is great. But so are things like gardening, knitting, running, kickboxing, swimming, etc.  Gardening and knitting help things be created. It’s an awesome feeling when you’re going through something as destructive as divorce can be. Running, kickboxing and swimming help release tension through physical activity. They also help you be in better physical shape which can help with self esteem. Help your friend find a new positive hobby to start off their new life.

3.  Be willing to listen to all the frustration and venting. But also ask about what GOOD things are happening in your friend’s life. If all your friend does is release tension and vent then it is a pretty quick path to depression and it might even make it hard to sustain a friendship because of all the negative energy. If there’s nothing good in your friend’s life then good things need to be built!

4. Offer a hug. Your friend has just lost the biggest source of emotional support and physical affection that is in their life.  They’ve likely been deprived of closeness and affection for  awhile now. Offer some comfort. Eventually they’ll be ready to start dating again and will find  a special someone. But until then having a source of hugs can help them keep from ending up in an unhealthy rebound relationship.

5. If your friend has kids and those kids will be spending time away with the other parent, invite your friend out during those times. There are upsides to time away from your kids. You get free time! You get time with your friends. Spending time with a friend during visitations and vacations or when the other parent has custody.. It helps the parent put a positive spin on things and it helps the parent be more upbeat and positive when their child returns.