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A Week of Empathy: I Let My Daughter CIO and I Regret That Choice

One of the things that pulled me out of the mommy wars was all of the stories. This week I’m sharing the stories of other moms that have touched me through their experiences. If you have an experience you would like to share, please email me at sarah@momtomommedia.com and I’ll publish it here this week. (All names will be changed to initials to keep them anonymous.)

This is L’s story:

I am going to share a difficult story. My name is L. and I have a 19 month old daughter. I let my daughter CIO. My daughter had reflux, I had a hard time breastfeeding, I had PPD, I was so so exhausted, I slept in a recliner for months, I was constantly getting advice, my husband and I were fighting, and THIS KIDS JUST WOULD NOT SLEEP! I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! NOTHING WORKED!

So one night in the midst of terrible crying from all of us, I stuck her in the crib and shut the door. I then sat in our room and listened to her cry for probably an hour. And it wasn’t just crying, it was full on screaming and sobbing and yelling. AND I WAS PISSED. WHY COULDN’T SHE JUST FALL ASLEEP?

I didn’t know what to do. We let her cry. She fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it. And then her breathing was that type of breathing where your breath catches after you have cried really hard. And my heart broke. And I knew it wasn’t worth it. And my heart was broken.

We limped along exhausted and waking hourly for a few more weeks/months – I don’t know – its all a blur at this point. And we were at our wits end again. So we tried again. And the same thing happened. She screamed and cried and then she puked. And I felt like SHIT. I never wanted to CIO. I was desperate. I was so very tired. I was broken. My husband was desperate. He was tired. We were hearing all of this advice to CIO. That we were doing it wrong.

The night she puked was a turning point for both of us. I never let her CIO again. While I only did it on those two nights they were the worst two nights of my life. I will regret them always. The reason I tell this story is to say we don’t know what other mothers are going through. We don’t know how they feel about their choices when they are alone in the dark with their thoughts. We are all human just trying to do the best we can.

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4 responses to “A Week of Empathy: I Let My Daughter CIO and I Regret That Choice”

  1. Donna Avatar
    Donna

    When my first born’s daddy decided that we must remove the pacifier… tho he smoked and ate to pacify himself, I remember sleeping on the floor beside her crib for many nights (he was also not into family bed)so I could hold her hand or foot or what ever was handy when she would waken upset to calm her which worked most of the time, when we both weren’t rocking to sleep in her big chair. NOTHING my second husband would have ever said (luckily we were of the same child rearing mind) would have been enough to have me repeat that.

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  2. moira Avatar
    moira

    This story resonates so well with me. I already felt like a freak for continuing breast feeding after I went back to work. I used to hide the fact that I did, because obviously it was that, that was causing the sleepless nights in the eyes of others. Then the endless advice to CIO – it was my ‘fault’ that he wasn’t sleeping. I was mambypambying around and mollycoddling him. And I was so exhausted I drove off the road twice on the way home from work. I tried to CIO…twice…not for an hour. I don’t think I made it past 20 mintes. He was so distraught…and it took me another hour just to calm him down. I decided I preferred being a mambypampying, mollycoddling freak than to do that to my son again. But every child is different. Every mother is different. Everyone’s needs and tolerances are different. The only advice should be ‘follow your heart – listen to your instincts.’ Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Colleen Avatar
    Colleen

    My husband and I tired CIO when our daughter was 7 months and the first night was the hardest, she was screaming her little heart out and I was crying my eyes out, I couldn’t understand if this was meant to be the best thing for her why did it feel so very wrong. The next night she only cried for about 10 mins and then went to sleep, so we were thinking that maybe it really works! Be then two days later she woke up crying after only being asleep for 20mins and she screamed and cried for what seemed like forever and my husband and I were fighting. I wanted to pick her up he was saying no. In the end we went in and picked her up, ill never forget that sobbing breathing noise she was making, I felt like a failure. The next day we realised that she was getting her first tooth and that’s way she was crying because she was teething. That made me feel even worse. My husband and I decided that CIO wasn’t for our family, it just made us fight, sad and miserbale. I will always regret that we did that. Now we go into her room whenever she cries and rock her back to sleep, she is a very happy little girl and we are very happy mummy and daddy. What made me feel ok about the way we decided to comfort our baby was coming across this website in the wee early mornings and now I don’t feel like I should hide the fact that we cuddle hold and rock our baby to sleep.

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  4. Marise Avatar
    Marise

    Thank you for sharing this story, it’s so important to hear each other’s voices (of reason) when dealing with this onslaught of bad / damaging advice we are being subjected to in the media.

    I know a few people won’t like this post, but I feel inclined to post it anyways in the hopes that maybe someone out there will learn something useful from it.

    When considering why it might be that so much obviously wrong and damaging advice is being uneashed on new mothers, it’s really important to look at the bigger picture – not to make ourselves depressed or paranoid, but so that we will be better able to make informed decisions when it matters most.

    Personally, I believe that the reasons behind the CIO media campaign are closely linked to social engineering. Essentially, the powers that be like to have control over the population and a good way to control people is to traumatize them at a young age. The trauma causes the mind to dissociate so that it can later be programmed. If you are not familiar with this practice, just google “Trauma Based Mind Control” – in extreme cases of dissociation one could be left with actual multiple personality disorder, but the split could also be more subtle leading to more of an alter persona phenomenon.

    Programming can then be achieved by various means, some of the more obvious ones when it comes to children would be television, movies and school.

    So yes, CIO is indeed something to approach with caution since early childhood trauma can and will have lasting repercussions on the psyche. And yes, being repeatedly left to feel abandoned in the dark as a helpless infant is certainly extremely traumatic.

    Something to think about when approaching these matters…

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