Dearest Daughter,

I’ve been wanting to write to you for a while, here on the “other side” of six months. Life has been chaotic, though. Packed with many things, both positive and stressful. Joyful and not. In other words, it has been life.

We are on the other side of six months now. The past two months have flashed by in the blink of an eye, even though the days themselves seem so long sometimes.

You are not much closer to sleep in terms of how well you sleep at night, but you are closer in terms of what you have learned and what you are learning.

Right now, you see, you are cutting teeth. You are learning to sleep when you are uncomfortable. This is something that I, as an adult, still have trouble with. A headache, the throbbing of the toe your brother broke a month ago, or the ache of an overused muscle.. Those things can all make my sleep restless. Your teeth will make you restless too. You are learning to resettle yourself. This means that sometimes you can do it on your own and sometimes you need some help.

Right now, you are learning to crawl. Your brain is abuzz with the desire, the need, the building blocks of coordination and motivation. You are driven by this instinct, this milestone, this desire. Sometimes it keeps you awake at night as your little body moves and tries to be at peace in a sleep that used to come easily for you. Soon this movement will be a good thing for you, as you will be able to crawl to the spot you want, pick the position that is comfortable, and snuggle down all on your own. But right now it is chaotic and uncomfortable for you. It makes it hard for you to settle down, and so you need help at finding your peace.

Right now you have learned to accept comfort in your daddy’s arms as you have long accepted comfort in mine. So while you do not yet sleep through the night I am able to snatch some extra time as you and your father find the peace of sleep together those times that you just need the reassurance of our nearness.

You still need night nursings, as that is part of the pattern of us. Of my supply, of your demand, of your metabolism and of mine. Of your activity level and the number of calories you need. Of the solids that you eat, and the nourishment that you need.

Right now you are figuring out the organization of your daytime naps, your daytime feeds, and how you need to comfort nurse, to nurse for food, to eat your solids, to strive to move, to play with each person in your family as you see them.

Right now you are learning language. Babbling long strings of syllables and practicing different intonations and pitch. You have begun to copy the sounds that we make, sometimes when you can.

You are learning so much all at once. Of course you need some extra help with sleep right now.

So here on the other side of six months.. We are still waiting it out. But in the new things we are facing I see the glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel. Because each of these things that keep you awake now.. Also hold the key to the things you need to know to truly learn to sleep on your own.

I can help you as you learn to find your peace.
I can comfort you through the things you struggle with right now.
I can help you get that sleep you need to learn those things that you are learning.

And now your daddy can too.

I see him now in the night, through the light that filters in through the blinds. He holds you close against his chest and whispers quiet soothing things to you. He has that same slowed-down-to-the-moment peaceful timelessness that I have come to associate with those late night wakings.

When we are with you in the dark hours of the night there is no clock ticking forwards, there is no goal, there is nothing needing to be changed. There is simply closeness, comfort in the moment, and then we all sleep.

So yes. I will keep on waiting it out even now at eight months. And your daddy will too. We’ll share those murky sweet moments with each other and with you.

Sleep will come on its own time as it does each night. We don’t need to waste precious moments of your infancy battling for something that we will get every single night once you are grown.

We’ll share our calm with you, so your own calm can set its roots deep inside and grow strong on its own time.

❤ Mama