Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,

I just read an awesome article about why super models aren’t cool enough for your clothes. Oh. Actually it was about why fat people aren’t cool enough for your clothes, but I thought I’d point out that super models and skinny people can’t wear them either. Which sort of throws a monkey wrench in your whole thing about being designed for beautiful cool people. (As though the anti-fat sentiments didn’t already destroy that little notion of yours.)

You see.. I can wear your clothes because I’m a mere one hundred and fifteen pounds and I fit into your skinny little pants with ease other than the fact that they’re too short and too baggy and make me look like like I’m wading through puddles with a belt to hold my pants at a level that doesn’t give me plumber’s crack. And this applies to all those supermodel types that have long legs. Your inseams simply don’t cut it, and your waist sizes at the longer lengths? So baggy. Tsk tsk.

I do own a pair of your jeans which I’ve hacked off into shorts and I wear them while crawling around in the mud with unshaven legs during the summer to weed my garden beds. I’m 33 years old and have three kids and saggy boobs.

I’m one of those cool kids, clearly. I’m skinny enough to fit your shorts and your shirts. (I’m just a little bit too supermodel-tall for your short fitting pants.) So my thinness makes me one of the “in” crowd that defines the fashion appeal that your company so desperately wants and craves because I’m thin and not a bit fat.

In all honesty my body looks much better in jeans from Old Navy which come in longer lengths for taller people. You know. Because tall people with long legs are clearly uncool and  unattractive according to Abercrombie and Fitch standards.

“It’s almost everything. That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that,” he said.

Based on the way your pants fit me I’d classify your brand as failing to fit tall thin people. You know. The supermodel demographic. While I’m no supermodel for a variety of reasons, I can state with certainty that your pants fail to fit the long lean legs and tiny waists of women who fit that demographic. In fact Old Navy comes much closer. What does that say about your brand? Not only do you cut off the people that are “too big” to be cool but you also cut off the people that your industry considers to be the pinnacle of human attractiveness.

This says to me that you’re interested in average. In making your customers feel special. Like they’re some kind of “in” crowd that they’ve created by excluding other people that are beautiful, good looking and cool in other-sized-clothing.

It’s artificial.

Your clothes are too tight in some areas, too baggy in others. They’re too short for some people, too tall for other people, and only fit the people that they fit.  Just like every single clothing manufacturer out there. You’re a mall brand. An overpriced mall brand.

Sorry to rain on your “cool people” party. I don’t like cliques. They’re not cool. They stink and they’re tacky. They’re silly and artificial and take away from the things that really make people cool.

I won’t be making the mistake of buying your clothes again. Your clothes don’t fit me. They make me look terrible. But that’s okay because they’d make a supermodel look terrible too. Compared to my super tall super thin body they’re designed for very average people.

You know all those “fat” people that you exclude? They’re in the same category as the supermodels. I don’t think anyone should feel bad about that. Not the supermodels and not the “fat” people.

It’s fine that you don’t offer larger sizes or sizes to fit absolutely everyone everywhere. No company does.  But you don’t get “cool” points for just hacking off the people on each end of the spectrum and saying that your company defines cool. It doesn’t. Cool people don’t do that. Rude people do. Cool people recognize bullshit marketing tactics and don’t make clothing choices based on them. 

❤ Me