There’s a big push to follow everyone’s parenting advice. (But especially the person that is currently talking to you because they are always right.) It’s really hard as a new parent to discard the advice that you don’t want to follow or that doesn’t feel right for you.

I know. One day I tried to follow everyone’s advice. All at the same time.

I quickly discovered that it’s REALLY hard to let your baby cry it out while you’re bouncing them and nursing them but never comfort nursing them except to establish a healthy supply while using a pacifier because I’m not a pacifier except that I am. I kept accidentally nursing my child to sleep and having to wake her up because she hadn’t cried enough yet to get it all out. (What “it” is, I am not sure. But it must be important.)

It was almost as hard as introducing solids before four months but later than six months, and going the route of baby led purees that are actually table foods which remind me suspiciously of an applesauce salmon sandwich but I forgot that babies shouldn’t have gluten except maybe they should.

And then there was the whole babywearing thing. I tried so hard to make sure to babywear but only while using a stroller because babies won’t walk unless they have ample tummy time in a.. uh.. swing? And putting your baby down often while babywearing is difficult. All the straps and wraps and buckles and slings get in the way. The good news is that when you’re trying to get the baby out of all of the contraptions they get in the crying time that’s good for their lungs. But I had a hard time figuring out the right balance of “babies shouldn’t be left to cry”. It all kind of balanced out when we had a good heart to heart conversation about why I won’t let her manipulate me. Talking? Good. Firm limits? Good. Not sure that she understood me though because I was trying to talk to her in English, sign language and a few other languages that I don’t really speak because there’s some controversy over what language is best.

I also had a rough time mastering how to add cereal to my baby’s bottle while exclusively breastfeeding. I made the bottle and added the cereal. Does the baby actually have to drink it? I probably also used the wrong bottle because it was a glass bottle which is hazardous instead of a plastic bottle which is hazardous for completely different reasons.

The deal breaker though was trying to use both cloth diapers and disposable diapers while using elimination communication so that I could save the environment, support work at home moms who make diapers and “not drive myself nuts” with additional laundry. By the time I got off the disposable diaper the baby had peed in the cloth diaper and was so upset that I hadn’t followed her elimination cues that she pooped all over me which resulted in more laundry than ever.

I really don’t like laundry.

So when you give me a great piece of advice.. Please don’t fret if it doesn’t fit into my life quite the way it fits into yours.

It’ll be okay. Somehow the world will survive if we raise our kids differently.

Now if you don’t mind I need to go sort out all the conflicting relationship advice that I get. I’ve got an awesome night ahead of me of playing hard to get while not being afraid to make a move because men like women that know exactly what they want and who make sure to avoid it like the plague.