When we hear a story that involves someone else’s child and we feel empathy for the experience of that child, is it a judgement of the parent?
If someone feels empathy for our child when our child experiences something as a result of our parenting choice, will that empathy for our child feel like a judgement against us?
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I find the second question easier to answer affirmatively, because yes, I felt judged the last time someone had empathy for my son. He was sitting in his car seat and I had a load of groceries to bring upstairs. Because it was a warm day, I popped his car door open while I ran inside. My mom saw and commented on how “mean mommy was to leave poor baby in the bright sun”. So, maybe I felt judged because it was a more direct comment at my actions, instead of just a comment about “poor baby in the bright sun”.
I think if I’m being really honest, I do make a judgment about someone else’s parenting when my heartaches for their child. I feel like they are in the position to do something about their child’s hurt or discomfort.
But, truthfully, now that I am a parent of a child who never sleeps and who cried inconsolably from colic and reflux, I have SO MUCH MORE empathy for other parents. I know that I am trying, and so I can more easily see that they are trying. Parents need support, instead of judgment. Everyone benefits that way.
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