One of the things that pulled me out of the mommy wars was all of the stories. This week I’m sharing the stories of other moms that have touched me through their experiences. If you have an experience you would like to share, please email me at sarah@momtomommedia.com and I’ll publish it here this week. (All names will be changed to initials to keep them anonymous.)

This is the story of M’s Mom:

I sit here trying to come up with a story from my own experiences, and realized I have one from my very first days and months in this world…

My mom was turning 18 when I was born. She didn’t have a car. She lived in a tiny house with her boyfriend that routinely didn’t have water or electricity. She worked at a fish restaurant and had dropped out of school already.

I was born in April instead of July 1978. My mom wanted to breastfeed but I was too tiny, they said. She tried to pump but for many reasons she had to stop.

She didn’t want to leave the hospital. But she had to. No one was paying the bills but her. So she left the hospital and didn’t come back. When it was time to be brought home, the hospital couldn’t find her. She had no phone. She not once visited me after the first week. By all accounts, she abandoned me and they tracked down my aunt saying they were going to call authorities if my aunt didn’t want to take me.

My mom confessed this to me some 34 years later. Throughout my life, I had this fantasy that she spent her days or nights with me, stroking my tiny hands, singing to me (those things came much much later). I was shell shocked to discover I was alone for two months. Does it hurt? Yes.

But the full story is this… no one was supporting her. She had been supporting herself, a boyfriend, and now me.

She didn’t come back to visit me because she didn’t want to let me go. She wanted to run away with me, drop these other responsibilities and never look back. But I was too small. The demands were too great. Her love was too big.

She sat with me and waited for my reaction to her story.

“I can’t imagine how terrible that was for you. I love you.”

I am so glad to know this story now that my son is born. I understand now the heartbreak and confusion she faced.

I understand.