1. You will drop it on their head. It’s just a matter of time.

2. Your child will throw it at your laptop monitor. Hard.

3. Your child will throw it at the floor. Hard.

4. Your child will simultaneously discover the answers to two important questions: “will it float?” and “can I flush it down the toilet?

5. The epic expensive warranty? It only covers two replacements every 12 months.

6. You will never get to use your cell phone because your child will grab it from your pocket and demand her favorite YouTube video. (Ask Grandpa. As soon as my daughter sees him his cell phone gets yanked out for TICK TOCK TICK TOCK! I laugh because I’ve convinced my children that my phone does not have youtube. By removing it.)

7. Gummy Bear song. Right. That right there is a reason to never allow your children near a computer. Because you will hear it in your sleep. I never put it on. But the grandparents do. And I HEAR IT IN MY SLEEP. (I’m deaf too. Imagine what it would do to me if I actually had normal functional ears the way most people do.)

8. Your child will put it everywhere and you will become known as “the person who can never find her phone.”

9. When you can’t find your phone or it’s swimming in the toilet it sort of defeats the purpose of a phone.

10. I would list more reasons but my three year old just asked to watch Spongebob** and it’s 30 degrees out so I said okay.

That said.. As soon as it’s above 50 degrees on a regular basis I’m going mostly media free again. You can join me if you want. Or not.

**Spongebob has been scientifically proven to make children insane and reduce their intelligence.